Simple rules of becoming a Bionic Blonde
- √ Wearing a mood ring is highly recommended. If you don’t still have yours from the 70s, order one off the internet. It’s the only way to really know with 1000% accuracy how you feel about each episode, Jaime’s wardrobe, and life in general.
- √ You must swear that Jaime Sommers and Steve Austin are soul mates and are destined to be together forever and ever. (Or have a healthy tolerance for those of us who do.) Bionic Blondes generally hurl things at the TV whenever there’s a scene where Jaime flirts with some guy named Not!Steve.
- √ You must try to remind yourself that Jaime Sommers wasn’t real, she was just a fictional television character. (I know, take a moment if you need to. I’ll wait.) Therefore you must promise not to take any of this seriously. We are truly devoted fans of this series, but people, jumping off buildings in polyester pantsuits can be funnnnny. If this doesn’t make you chuckle, then you probably aren’t a Bionic Blonde and should pretend you don’t hang out here.
- √ Live life in slow motion.
- √ Yes, you may use “bionic” as a verb. Jaime bionics things all the time.
♥ Above all else, you must *heart* Jaime Sommers. ♥
ALL JAIME'S BOYFRIENDS -
KEEP OUT, STEVE !
Not!Steve (minus) 1.0 David Welch
The Bionic Woman
Is!Steve 00 ♥♥♥
Not!Steve 1.1 – Dr. Michael Marchetti
(4 episodes)
Not!Steve 1.2 – Tim Sanders
Winning is Everything
Not!Steve 1.3 – Dr. Alan Cory
The Ghosthunter
Not!Steve 2.1 – Bob Welton
Jaime's Shield
Not!Steve 2.2 – Darwin Jones
Biofeedback
Not!Steve 3.1 – Roger Grette
The Bionic Dog
Not!Steve 3.2 – Billy Cole Rodeo
Not!Steve 3.3 – (unseen) Raymond,
Escape to Love
Not!Steve 3.4 – Chris Williams
The Pyramid + 3 more
Not!Steve 3.5 – Casey
The Martians are Coming
Not!Steve 3.6 – Jed Kimball
Deadly Music
Not!Steve 3.7 – Tommy Littlehorse
Out of Body
Not!Steve 3.8 – Sam Sloan
Long Live the King
15 - 16
The Bionic Blonde’s Urban Dictionary
A definition of terms that often appear in episode commentary that may cause readers to think WTF?... with a link to their episode origins.
Ausommers:
Our celebrity Astronaut & Tennis Pro supercouple's nickname. Steve Austin + Jaime Sommers = “Ausommers.” Like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie = “Brangelina.” First appeared: The Bionic Woman pt. 2
Big Valley Blouse:
The infamous, really low cut, I-can't-believe-the-networks-allowed-this- blouse that Jaime wore in Brain Wash.
Budapest!Bonk:
The1980s mission explosion in Budapest that reversed / cured Jaime's amnesia and her memories of Steve. First appeared: Return of the SMDM and BW
Dr. Crankypants:
Rudy Wells, whenever he's in a sour mood. First appeared: The Bionic Dog
Jamie's Jammies™:
The Bionic Woman's fabulous pajamas, worthy of a QVC Shopping Network line. First appeared: Out of Body
Not!Steve:
Jaime's relationships or flirtations with guys who aren't Steve Austin. First appeared: The Bionic Dog
Stun!Love:
Steve's sudden, distant gazes whenever he has romantic flashbacks of Jaime. First appeared: Return of the SMDM and BW
Travel Packing Genius:
The Bionic Woman's uncanny ability to fit lots and lots of wardrobe changes into one suitcase when traveling on missions. First appeared: African Connection.
