SCORE: 3 out of 4 Tennis Balls

September 29, 1976

Dear Diary,

Mood Ring: Yellow


Tonight on the Bionic Woman, Oscar made Jaime be a lady wrestler for a case and she had to dress up like an Indian sqaw with hardly any clothes on!  I felt sorry for her. But in the end she was much stronger than the other girl wrestlers and won the world series.



In This Corner, Jaime Sommers



See what happens when we send Jaime to the seedy side of town with a stick of chewing gum?




May 8, 2013

Dear Bionic Blondes,

Mood Ring: Blue


Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner: Ima save my rant about this scanty, so-non-politically-correct costume for later, so I can start on a happier note that I really did like the episode much more this second time around. Miss Wagner had so many hilarious facial expressions, and was clearly having a little unrestrained, Jaime-fun with this undercover lady wrestling assignment. I bet she's hella fun at Halloween parties.


Speaking of parties, gather your Bionic Blonde viewing supplies for tonight's big wrestling match! To start, you have to assign yourself a mean lady wrestler name like "Savage Sommers," because we can't let Jaime go into this degrading exhibition ring alone without some emotional fan support! I'm choosing "Bombay Betsy" and wrapping a sari sheet costume around myself— revealing so little skin that I'm hoping all the men in the arena will ask for their money back.


Also, pour yourself a pitcher of Martinis, because tonight’s drinking game is devoted to the use of Jaime’s bionic ear to eavesdrop. Which is freakishly a LOT in this episode.  Lastly, bring out your bathroom scales, because we need something to pound every time they shockingly break the sisterhood divine secret rule and dare to mention a woman's weight.


Ready, Set, Bell Ring Round One! The Bionic woman was only 45 seconds late for her episode tonight. She had to wait for some OSI agent to get cornered and captured in an arena, first. Then she could promenade with Oscar down the OSI Washington building hallway wearing a lovely striped, 2-piece dress. In the lobby outside his office, they bump into a grouchy Russian woman who's complaining about Oscar being late. She stomps back to her laboratory with her 2 bodyguards and tells Oscar to catch her later.


In Oscar's office, Jaime asks who that "Mary Sunshine" was. (See, even she's doling out wrestling names upfront.) Oscar explains that stereotypical Soviet-accented woman is Dr. Brandes, who defected from Russia last year and is working on some “Delta satellite project” for the U.S. But whatever, because that's not even related to today's assignment anyway (cough, cough). Right now, there's an OSI agent missing and Oscar needs Jaime's help!


Just like in Bionic Beauty, aforementioned agent was reportedly onto something BIG and sent a cryptic message to the home office before they lost contact with him. On a slip of paper, there's an address that our California gal Jaime immediately recognizes as a "seedy" area of D.C. So naturally Lady Wrestling would be exemplary there, in addition to being able to score crystal meth. Oscar wants Jaime to go undercover as a LADY WRESTLER. (Oh groan. Whose sexual fantasy was this?)


Jaime metaphorically throws the script back at Oscar. "You're kidding? You're NOT kidding. Are you outta your mind I can't go into a place like that!"  Oscar promises she wouldn't have to stay very long. (Remember, your show's only an hour long.) Jaime leans forward and crosses her arms on his desk, and OMG look how many outside phone lines Oscar has on his new decked-out world command switch board console! But wait, back to Jaime, because she has to make a very important point now about the nature of her television series.


"Oscar, you know how I feel about violence when it isn't absolutely necessary. I feel terrible if I have to swat a fly!"  *Legal disclaimer scrolling on bottom of TV screen: However I will strangle and dropkick the bejesus out of any SNAKE that comes within a ten mile radius of me.


“…and you want me to get in the ring with one of those crazy women?" Oscar points out these lady wrestlers can take care of themselves and besides, the Bionic Woman was designed to control her strength whenever she b*tchslaps people.


Jaime at last stands firm and tells Oscar, "NO!  I've never said no to you before…"


But Oscar interrupts and guilts Jaime about saving this poor agent's life and that she's the only female OSI operative that can handle this case.  I love Jaime's eyerolls here when she realizes the script has already been pre-approved and she has no choice.

After the commercial, Jaime arrives in SEEDYhood, D.C. at the "Olympic" wrestling arena, wearing sandals, bell bottom jeans and a blouse with the shirt tails tied at her midriff. After reading the scary lady wrestler names on the marquee, she decides "this calls for a stick of gum."  She's pops a piece in her mouth and starts chompin' some attitude.


Inside the arena, Jaime bionic hears (#1 DRINK!) some ladies screaming and follows the sounds upstairs to a training gym. She first encounters a burly woman lifting bar bell weights. With a prominent camera angle on—how shall I say— the woman’s upper "rack?" ...Jaime's cheerful line here completely caught me off guard:


"Nice set of bells ya got there!"


*howls* Jaime sweetie, you are here to spy undercover, NOT to hit on these female wrestlers!  (That script line was originally intended for Steve In a Dress™) Then suddenly a wrestler named "Mad Mary" falls out of the training ring and lands at Jaime's feet and our mistress of courteousness makes the mistake of asking her if she's all right.


"Hey, would you get out of the way, dearie?"  Ooo Jaime makes a slight variation of her Bionic Disgust Face® here, that effectively portrays a silent "you little b*itch," while still keeping the show's family G rating.


Three's Company: Hey look it's that Mr. Roper guy who left his job as apartment manager for Jack, Chrissy and Janet so he could start coaching lady wrestlers as seedy "Milt" instead! When Jaime swaggers over and tells him she's interested in getting into wrestling, he sizes her up, calls her "kid" and says, "What do you weigh, about 105? 110 if you eat a lot of bananas?"


OH NOHEDIDHINT!! A pox on the house of anyone who ever dares mention a woman’s weight, and anyway aren't they supposed to divide this stuff into generalized divisions like "welterweight?"  …spoketh the girl who never watches this wrestling/boxing stuff and is too lazy to google it. But pox you, Mr. Roper.


Not surprisingly, Jaime responds without a bionic slap across his face, "Okay I'm not so big, all right? but I got some pretty fancy footwork and a darn good right arm!" (And I chew gum like a bad*ss!) Milt concedes to offer her an entry level ticket taker job to start.


Moments later, Jaime bionic overhears (#2 DRINK!) Milt's seedy sidekick, Mad Mary, say that she suspects Jaime is a plant. But they're afraid if they kick her out it'll look suspicious, so they decide to let her try out for cheerleading.


Audition Time: After Jaime curses Oscar under her breath, "I'm gonna break your glasses for this," she comes face to face in the ring with mean Mad Mary. Jaime starts by using her classic Dodge, Weave or Flee Bigfoot Avoidance® technique, and I love how she just dives under Mary's legs to avoid contact. Mary calls her a "pencil neck squirt" and grabs Jaime's bionic hand, but Jaime pushes her back in a statuesque Hercules pose, overpowering Mary to her knees.


Now it's Mary's turn to throw Jaime down to the mat in like some spaghetti pretzel hold thingy on Jaime's legs, but when the camera panned to Jaime bionic launching her with her cyborg-sonic thighs, I was more focused on the camera reveal of a cute sergeant patch she had on her blue jeans. Sorry we have to stop here for a sec so I can add this to my Pinterest board.


Then Jaime revenge-pins Mary in a neck hold and says "What do you have to say for yourself now, DEARIE?"  Ooo Jaime's come undone because you know, being around all these seedy people plus chewing gum can do that to you. Unfortunately, Jaime gets the job and will start tonight as the warm-up act. Sigh.


My New Household Name: Jaime introducers herself as “Jessie Sommers.” Milt decides her wrestling name will be "Joltin' Jessie."  But she's gonna need an identity "schtick," so fellow wrestler April is assigned to escort her to the locker room and show her the trunk of shame costumes. But unlike that Mad Mary wrestler, Amazon April is rather jovial and really nice to Jaime. We heart her.


On the way to the locker room Jaime overhears (#3 DRINK!) Mary and Milt worrying out loud about her presence and potential obstruction of their plans to make some "delivery to their foreign friends." Oh, they are so up to something, dontcha think and I bet they are the SEEDY kind of foreigners, too.  But we have to hurry and cut to commercial right now so Rudy can replace Jaime's worn down ear batteries and get ready to hear Oscar in the next scene.


Mr. Goldman, you have a call on line 716: OMG I think I officially nominate this as my new favorite phone call scene, where Jaime is reporting in to Oscar that she managed to get the wrestling gig, with a hysterical I'M PROUD OF ME® face.


"Yup dontcha love it? *smacks gum* Hey Oscar they think I'm a regular Joe Frazier!"


(SILENCE) "Joe's a boxer, Jaime," corrects Oscar, the oh-so-mister-know-it-all-boss-man of sports trivia stuff. While he's busy mansplaining sports, I am doing some serious sisterhood bonding with Jaime in this scene now because I wouldn’t have known this, either. And especially when Jaime perfectly eyeroll replies with, "Oh. Well. Whatever."  Yes she TOTALLY said that and do you honestly think I would leave this little dialog gem italicized and buried in paragraph obscurity? NAH, WE ARE PULL QUOTING THIS BABY FOR THE RECORD BOOKS…



Jaime doesn't have any info for Oscar yet on who the foreign agent might be but oh look there's April that she needs to pump for more information so she has to go now CLICK.


Round Two Coming Up: Right after Jaime hangs up the phone, she bionic overhears (#4 DRINK!) April talking to some SEEDY guy she owes money to and nervously promises to have her $9000 downpayment tomorrow. This is probably gonna ruin her loan shark credit score.


Then Jaime and April stop by Mad Mary’s big empty cage in the arena just because, followed by a nice, get-to-know-you talk about why April chose wrestling whereupon she divulges it's just her day job and that—as a licensed physiotherapist—her actual dream is to buy a little health club on the other, not-so-seedy side of town.


At last they FINALLY reach the locker room that Jaime and April were supposedly heading in the direction of 87 scenes ago, where they are met by Mad Mary again, who tells our "cream puff" Jaime she can't wait to fight her in the ring again. Game ON!


As she's walking away OMG Jaime does this perfect "MOCK U" kiss and lizard tongue sneer behind her back. Why oh WHY couldn't Jamie have directed this perfect payback face towards Shalon LAST WEEK in Bigfoot when she was taunting her affair with Steve?!  I demand a re-edit!  Refresh browser to see animated gif above of Jaime’s funny faces in this episode.


The Trunk of Shame: April leads Jaime to a big trunk to select a costume for her wrestling gig, which is naturally locked because like this crap is SO valuable. Jaime helpfully breaks the padlock when April can't find the key, and inside is a smorgasbord of Halloween wardrobe essentials. I love how Jaime immediately grabs a curly, Shirley Temple-ish blonde wig and does this hysterical dance twirl and imitation of a little girl, squeaking "I like it!"  But Jaime please choose that Medieval suit of armor we see in the top of that trunk please please please please please please.


Crap. The camera then cuts to Jaime's red moccasin'd feet and pans up to reveal a really short red suede mini-skirt and skimpy, low cut halter top with fringe tassels, feathers and beads in traditional Native American dress. Her hair is styled in Indian braids. All while warrior drum music is playing in the background. *sympathy SCREAMS*


Poor Jaime scoffs, "Are you sure Pocahontas started like this?" April says she looks great, but Jaime can sense the truth. "I. Feel. Ridiculous." Agreed. This is not befitting for Jaime Sommers as a feminist role model, nor is it even slightly politically correct by today's standards.  But alas, it was apparently time for Jaime to fulfill her Bionic Burlesque quota and pander to the show's male demographic—and while I can't speak for the rest of the female audience, I only know that as a girl, my jaw dropped open and I found myself wanting to throw a robe over Jaime and to shout at all the boys watching,




Jaime pleads, "Is this really necessary?" April goes on to explain to Jaime that "sometimes the REAL you ain't enough to sell tickets," and in a roundabout way, also espouses why they had to do this to the Bionic Woman this week, too... Ratings.


Back after these messages: I touched on this earlier in Bionic Beauty, and fair warning, Ima go off on this one more time in Jaime and the King and quite possibly in ALL CAPS when they criminally transmute her into a harem belly dancer in a scene of such a demeaning subjugation that I just wanna hurl. To young girls & junior feminists who idolized Jaime's character for her physical and intellectual strengths, these episodes of sudden sexual objectification—coming completely out of left field— conflicted with the more positive values we were learning each week asserting that we could, as a gender, have more depth than this.


In plot situations such as this where the Bionic Woman was permitted to feel embarrassed or even tried to refuse to put on these "eye candy" costumes, it turned out to be a manufactured exercise in futility because they made sure Jaime always lost her argument in the end.


But we have to remember to put this in perspective. Thanks to the history reminders in the documentary Wonder Women: The Untold Story… In the 70s wave of feminism, this was only as far as the media would allow strong minded, independent women to be portrayed. On the upside, The Bionic Woman had it much better than Charlie's Angels in this department. And while we as Americans might complain, I’m reminded there are still millions of women today in other countries and cultures around the world who would appreciate even half the rights and respect that we took for granted—even back in the 70s.


As for this “Indian” costume, it probably goes without saying this misguided choice to portray a savage wrestler, and the stereotype jokes at its expense, are the kind of race-insensitive gaffes that could get a series cancelled today. But at the time, this was unfortunately a standard practice... everywhere.


So how do we get through all these modern day speed bumps? We follow Jaime's lead and try to make some lemonade out of all of this. (Okay perhaps with a splash of vodka, too.) And then watch Jaime brilliantly use her bionic ear a LOT because that means the camera can't zoom in on her cleavage.  Heheh.


Slap Happy: It's time for Savage Sommers to get more coaching from April, who's smashing her face on the mat and telling her to smack the floor harder. Then she tries to teach her how to throw a punch. Jaime finally successfully hauls off a pretty convincing face slap that unfortunately is also too late to execute on Shalon.


While they're practicing a "full nelson," Jaime bionic hears (#5 DRINK!) Milt telling Mad Mary he's "got the drug they need." In order to follow him back to his office to figure out what this could possibly mean, Jaime requests to go on break, but April won't let her.


Merry Go Round: So Jaime offers to demonstrate her "specialty" and has Bionic Rita lift April and throw her over her shoulders, and then Jaime returns to spin her around like twenty times until April is too dizzy to stand up and crawls on the floor for a bucket to throw up in. This scene was kinda cartoonish, but they both looked like they were actually having fun filming it so how could you not giggle?


Then Jaime bionics down the hall and sleuths outside Milt's office to—you guessed it (#6 DRINK!). She hears him tell Mad Mary about their injectable drug that knocks someone out for five minutes they’ll plan to use tonight. And then the phone rings to alert him there's a TV crew outside. Because this lady wrestling event on the seedy side of town is apparently breaking news that's about to pre-empt local network programming!


Our Invisible Pixie Friend: We now cut to Oscar in his office, turning on his mini-TV enclosed in his fabulous space agey desk console, while he rings his secretary Callahan to send Dr. Brandes in. WAIT. WHO? CALLAHAN?  YAYYYYYYYY!


Only bummer, we aren’t allowed to see her. While this marks the first time we hear her name mentioned on the Bionic Woman, Peggy Callahan actually first appeared on the SMDM episode "Steve Austin, Fugutive" more than a year earlier.


With Dr. Brandes, Oscar watches the live TV promotional coverage of the big lady wresting event where "The Battle of the ages is gonna be fought right here in the Olympic auditorium just 2 short hours from now."  Woo hoo! It's gonna be Mad Mary and Fabulous Franci versus Amazon April and the Spider Lady!  While the announcer introduces them, the women snarl and hurl insults at one another.


Crap, Why Aren't We Allowed to Like This Woman? Meanwhile Dr. Brandes helps herself to a drink in Oscar’s bar and cracks a joke about not choosing to defect from Russia for our lousy American vodka, and then mock spits at Oscar's suggestion she has “freedom” because she's always chained to body guards assigned for her protection. P.S .I love this woman’s suit, too.


Oscar excuses himself and turns his TV back on where the cat fighting continues. Dr. Brandes slaps Oscar on the back (his face is priceless here) and admits she likes Lady Wrestling, too. But hush because it's time to promote the warm up match between Battling Betty Madison and our newcomer, Savage Sommers!!



Please Ignore Me And Turn The Channel: OMG viewers, that lady you see on TV RIGHT NOW is NOT the famous tennis pro that was engaged to Astronaut Steve Austin that made headlines in all the newspapers around the world, and don't even mention you saw her win that televised Miss USA pageant as Miss California last year because she is NOT WE REPEAT NOT Jaime Sommers! And especially if you are enrolled in school at the Ventura Air Force Base and happen to have a satellite dish with D.C. stations, this is NOT the same Miss Sommers with the same last name who is your teacher no matter how much she looks like, sounds like, and is EXACTLY her.


Jaime screams to the TV camera, "Yeeeeeuh! "    ...Oh dear.


The announcer tells our crazy wrestler he doesn't see her opponent anywhere around here. Jaime plays it up for the camera, claiming she has a feeling she heard she was after her scalp… "she's probably in a church, aren't you honey, down on your knees, you're gonna pray that I'm gonna get hit by a Cee-ment truck before this match tonight…. "


Okay stop right here because it's a rule that I automatically adore anybody who imitates Granny's pronunciation of their swimming pool as a "Cee-ment Pond" from the Beverly Hillbillies.  My mood ring is now a glorious purple.


Jaime continues (waving her tomahawk): "I'm telling you Jimmy, Battling Betty, she's gonna get the ax tonight! And if you're out there watching sweetheart, I got a rhyme for you:  If you show up tonight, you can trust, that you're gonna eat my dust, when I break you in half, everybody's gonna laugh, and say bashful battling Betty's a bust!"


WELL. Allrighty then. People, please don't EVER give this girl a stick of gum again, okay?


As you might have already guessed: The Russian Dr. turns out to be a "bad girl" because to some degree, they all are in this episode. Thanks to Oscar’s information leak, she calls Milt and tips him off that Jaime's an OSI agent. Ut oh, busted.


In the following scene Jaime's working out on some pulley weight thing, and anxious to get on the inside with April to figure out what they are planning to do, she decides to pretend she's desperate for money.


"April there's a guy named Austin. I owe him a LOT of money and if I don't come up with something real quick, he’s gonna get rough."


A-Hahahaha! (But don't forget Jaime, you're "the one person who can fight him off!")


Jaime says she owes him five grand and "this guy Austin's pretty bad news. Said he was gonna make me some cement shoes… hey that rhymes, doesn't it?"  But April doesn't think that's funny, probably because Jaime didn't say Cee-ment right this time. April feels sorry for her and decides to go call Milt and see if they will cut her in on their seedy plans tonight. Jaime of course bionic eavesdrops on this call, too. (#7 DRINK!) Milt says sure, bring her on up to the office.


When Jaime arrives with April for orientation, Milt taps Jaime's shoulder with the drugged needle and she immediately falls to the floor. April is shocked and wants to know what he just did to her new pal.  "Just a little tranquilizer," says Milt because she's an OSI agent. Then he pulls out another needle and says he's gonna give Jaime a bigger dose to keep her asleep for a week. But lucky for us, he makes the mistake of injecting it in her bionic arm.


Rattling The Cage: Moments later Jaime regains consciousness in Mad Mary's cage, which has been suspended practically to the ceiling of the arena. She cracks a joke about making it to the top of this business, karate chops the wire mesh, then has Rita bionic jump down to a scaffolding area and then down again to the middle of the fighting ring. Then as Jaime starts to run out of the arena towards the exit—apparently because we're not drunk enough yet—she stops to bionic listen AGAIN (#8 DRINK!) and this time Milt's urging Mary to come on, they gotta go check on something.


Just then sad April walks into the arena and notices the cage is empty. "Pssst April!" Jaime gets her attention, confesses she's an agent, and asks for April's help. April feels remorse and explains she only did this because she needed the money, and tells Jaime they are planning to get something out of the audience during the match tonight. That's all she knows, and then she starts crying. Sniff. Jaime promises she won't let anything happen to her and they leave to go look for the kidnapped agent.


Well It's About Time Rudy Showed Up: He stops by Oscar's office and offers to buy him a drink—but not vodka because Oscar complains that Dr. Brandes is beginning to wear on him. Rudy mentions he just talked to one of her body guards who said she was taking them all to a lady wrestling match tonight. Oscar stops at the door and turns around, because Rudy? You just solved the case!  Well of course he did, Rudy’s a genius.


Meanwhile, April leads Jaime to a room labeled "high voltage." and says she thinks they locked the OSI agent in there. But oops, just then Milt and Mary show up with a gun.


Full Nelson: After the commercial Oscar and Rudy are racing in a limo towards the arena. Oscar hushes Rudy so he can listen to the live radio broadcast announcement (just like in Bionic Beauty) that the warm-up match will not be held tonight. Oscar sighs and wonders what could have happened to Jaime?


Locked In the high voltage room are Jaime, April and the missing agent, who is drugged and barely conscious but Jaime manages to get him awake enough to say in Steve's Tonto voice, "She's going to defect. Take delta module." Jaime recognizes the project name and figures Dr. Brandes must be planning to escape.  Because you know. She's Russian. How did we NOT see this coming?


The Weigh In: The arena is filling up with ticket buyers and the first match starts!  Grab you popcorn because this is where the show announcer introduces team Mary and Franzi as weighing in at *censored* and *censored* pounds, WTF? While the bodyguards arrive with Dr. Brandes and take their seats, the team challengers— Battling Betty and Spider Lady are introduced at *censored* and *censored* pounds. Oh goody, I'm so glad we got every last ounce of their poundage fully documented and broadcast over the radio and stuff. Please join us for our followup humiliation match where we tell you when they get their periods!  Oops did I just type that out loud? Ah well, no thanks to the Bionic Woman, I'm Hearing Hammered right now.


Meanwhile in the high voltage room, the temperature is up to 110 degrees. (Welcome to Palm Springs!) Jaime hesitates to kick down the door because she doesn't want to reveal her bionics. So she has April demonstrate the wrestler flying dropkick thingy, and then Jaime asks her to stand back while she tries it on the door and of course she nails it open. WOO HOO Angry Savage Score 500 points! Jaime's outta there while April's in charge of taking care of the semiconscious agent.


Heigh Ho: Back In the racing limo, Rudy confirms the delta circuit is indeed missing. Oscar gets on the car phone. "This is CODE SNOW WHITE, I want every available back up unit to rendezvous at the Olympic Auditorium immediately!"   YAY you know Lipschitz is going down whenever Oscar throws his Snow White masculinity code out there.


On the wrestling stage, Milt sneaks Mary more drug needles. Seconds later while fighting her opponent, she pretend-falls out of ring and drug sticks the leg of one of the body guards in the stands. He drops, causing a commotion that provides a distraction to sneak the Russian doctor lady under the stage. There, she switches costumes with the Spider lady, commanding, "De Module! Now De Mask! Fix me!"   A-Haha "Dat’s it. Now hurry lift de flap!"  Because oh no she’s going to De fect!


Dr. Brandes takes off running towards the exit as the masked Spider Lady, but bumps into Jaime at the top of the aisle, who immediately recognizes her voice. So Russian Spider lady puts it in reverse. Jaime has April tackle her in the ring and pulls her mask off. Betty comes after Jaime, who does a leap frog over her, causing the lady to slam her head into the corner of the ring with a cartoon anvil sound. (Insert comedy ouch!)


Now Mad Mary is really, really pissed at Jaime and threatens "here's where you finally get squashed, cream puff!” Jaime’s like yeah whatever and warns her to stop because she doesn't want to hurt her. Mary lunges at her anyway, so Jaime breaks the rope from the ring to tie her up, spin her to the floor and then knots her up like a calf in a rodeo. I just loved the cutaway to the generic extra guy in the crowd representing "Every Male's Fantasy" who urged, "Give it to her Geronimo! Lay it on her! Give it to her! " Oh puh-leeze.


YAY Oscar and a team of agents finally arrive! At ringside, Oscar shouts for Jaime to get the delta circuit! She finds it on the floor and just as she's about to pick it up the referee raises her hand and announces Savage Sommers as the match winner! The crowd cheers, Jaime looks dazed and smiles, and Oscar salutes her. No way sorry Oscar— considering what you just put the Bionic Woman through on this assignment— I think you should BOW to her here.


In the end scene, Jaime, Oscar and April are sitting on the edge of the ring in the empty arena. After Jaime recaps for viewers any plot developments we may have missed, our attention is focused on thanking April. As a reward for her help, Oscar (at the insistence of Jaime) has arranged for April's cash downpayment.


Hooray! As a judgmental American taxpayer I totally don't mind that I just paid for April's Health Club especially since it's not going to be on this "seedy" side of town. Because I completely adored April, I googled the actress Marcia Lewis who played her, and discovered she passed away just a few years ago. And to my surprise—she lived in Brentwood, Tennessee not very far from my house. All those years I could have been standing in the same grocery check out line with Amazon April and never even realized it. I wonder if we bought the same brand of chewing gum?


So anyway Jaime tells April she could sure use a good massage after this wrestling workout. April says she's on, and then invites Mr. Goldman to partake, too. "Huh?" Oscar claims he's never been to a massage place (sure), and Jaime slaps his knee and says he's gonna love it!


As they all walk out of the arena together, Oscar worries "Well you know what happens in Washington… I mean you gotta be careful though."  Um Oscar, so are you saying that you might feel a bit EMBARRASSED to be seen getting a massage?! Oh brother, Jaime, lead this man to the trunk of shame and let’s give him a wrestling costume.





Three outfits in this episode. Jaime wore a 2-piece, brown & white striped, long sleeved muslin dress in the first scene. For her grunge gym, “girl next door” look, bell bottomed jeans and sandals and a short-sleeved green blouse with mauve shell patterns that she tied at her midriff. (See also the close-up of patch on her jeans). She also carried a brown & white cloth-weaved purse.


And then came the Bionic Woman’s infamous “Indian” wrestling costume. A short red suede skirt and red & yellow halter top with fringe tassels, feathers and beads in traditional Native American style. With this, she wore red leather moccasin slippers and braided hair. (Plus tomahawk accessory) Note: According to Bionic Woman aficionado James Sherrard—via an interview with stuntwoman Rita Egleston, this costume was actually designed by Bob Mackie. Many will remember Mackie as having outfitted the likes of Cher, and is probably best known for his fashion designs on The Carol Burnett Show, including the legendary “Curtain Dress”  in her beloved Gone With the Wind parody skit.


I’m also breaking with tradition here and including the wardrobe from one of the “bad girls” (shock!) because I really did love this gray wool suit/skirt ensemble worn by Dr. Brandes.


Kenner toys also reportedly ordered a prototype fashion of this Native American outfit made, but it was never produced. This photo below is from the collection of Alain Tremblay, and thanks to Mr. Sherrard for pointing out this interesting bit of trivia, too.

















Reportedly, there was also this Kenner toys Jaime’s fashion prototype outfit that was never manufactured.
(Photo by Alain Tremblay.)




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