EPISODE REVIEW 3X06

October 29, 1977

Dear Diary,

Mood Ring: Red (unsettled)

I can't believe I couldn't watch the Bionic Woman again tonight. Darn it! I hope I get lots of chocolate on Halloween because I sure need it for my depression. My Jaime Sommers halloween costume is ready!!  I was going to carry a torn phone book so people would know I was bionic, but mommy said that would get too heavy. I decided to carry a blown-out tennis ball and curl my hair behind my ear. I'm practicing how to trick-or-treat in slow motion.

October 10, 2011

Dear Bionic Blondes,

After being saddle sore from last week's episode, I was really dreading this next one. But I am happy to report I was very pleasantly surprised.  Plus, another episode I had never seen before, AND there weren't any Not!Steves to derail it for me. I liked it!

This week Jaime travels to some African provence to secretly switch out some corrupt voting booth motherboard. Writers borrowed a bit of the character clash premise from the Hollywood classic "African Queen" story, but all is forgiven. After these past few weeks, plagiarism is no longer outlawed in my world. Please steal more..anything!

Hoo-Ray:  I was immediately put at ease when I saw that Alan J. Levi directed in the opening credits. The man who gave us the incredible Deadly Ringer. So I decided he's the kinda guy who would have spit on a script like Rodeo and demanded something better to work with. He got it.

Is this even the same TV Show?  It opens with some discussions in the office of an unpopular regime about fixed elections and political stuff. Compared to our usual cowboys and Fembots this season, It was like switching from the Cartoon Network to CNN. Although the story setup seemed to drag on a bit too long. The Bionic Woman finally showed up for her TV show like ten minutes later.

Tastes Great, Less Filling:  Oscar Lite in this one. He must have been busy with Is!Steve this week. Rudy had the week off to rest. Considering his recent mood swings, I hope he was using this free time to take a "Quiet the Mind" workshop.

Blackwater Contracts: Jaime arrives in a Casablanca-style bar to meet up with some drunk named Harry to hire as a guide to take her to a dangerous, remote compound. (Looking fabulous, I might add, in an ecru blouse and dark skirt) Where was I? Oh, so she starts negotiating a hefty price to pay this old guy, and thousands and thousands of dollars are literally spilling out of her skirt pocket. Doesn't anybody use travelers checks anymore? While she was carelessly waving her bundles of freshly minted treasury bills in front of everybody in the joint, I was surprised the bartender didn't rush over and ask her if she needed anything else, hoping she'd drop him a $1,000 tip on her way out. It's all taxpayer money, no biggie. (Jaime should consider running for congress someday.)

What Is That Thing?  The vehicle Jaime gets to ride in this week (and thankfully didn't have to sleep in, too) looked like an experiment from Rudy's lab, named the "Princess."  (Get it, African Queen?) Part jeep, part bulldozer, part tank, part Hummer and part bionic. Based on projected fuel mileage, they must have edited out the 14 scenes where they had to keep stopping for gas.  There is probably a military name for this vehicle "asset" but I have no idea what that is, so I'll use the technical term jalopy.

Another Snake Bites the Dust:  Harry shoots a deadly snake out of the tree before it could startle Jaime. Good thing, because given her past record with these amphibians, she would have bludgeoned it to death. So Harry did it a favor putting it down more humanely with a violent bullet to the head. Although I'd rather he used this next item below, which appears to be hugely overstocked in the prop department now.

Return of the Tranquilizer Darts Again:  What, was there a sale at Costco? This makes 3 episodes already this season where these same darts have been used in the story. Jaime should be building up a resistance by now.

Indiana Jaime:  In her fabulous safari outfit, she jumps out of the jalopy Princess, pushes a giant rock into the path of the bad guys' jeep, races back to her moving jalopy and jumps back into the seat next to Harry. It was all much smoother than it sounds. Nice job, Mr. Director.

Finally, the Village: Jaime changes clothes again, this time into a colorful kaftan dress, meets up with her college friend Leona, they talk about girl stuff (Jaime said she had "nothing permanent" in love interests. Good answer) and then the discussion turns to race. I ask you again, is this the same TV show? Intelligent sorority sister conversations and serious topics.  Later Leona gives her a lovely necklace for luck, that just happens to perfectly match the new skirt and vest Jaime has now changed into. Banana Republic $65.

Jaime: "I'm pretty good with safes"

Harry: "But are you fast?"

I loved the "are you kidding" expression on Jaime's face in response. ha ha

Ear Exercises: Jaime got to crack the code on a safe again. It's been a while since she's used this bionic ear talent. I noticed she's much better at it now and didn't knock over any vases or set off an alarm in the process. Jaime successfully switched out the voting tally motherboard and closed the safe back up, but then they got caught and chased out by the bad regime guys.  At some point during this pursuit, Jaime hurled a crowbar at their jeep with perfect professional tennis player aim and disabled their vehicle simply by bashing in the front grill. Funny how that works every time, but it didn't even look campy like these stunts typically do. Very smooth.

Happy Ending: Harry cleaned up his act and quit drinking. Jaime's friend Leona didn't face any hanging chad election issues and becomes the immediate, after-the-commercial, legitimately elected FEMALE president. Woo hoo!  Jaime, who is back in her dark skirt but with a pink blouse this time, waves her off with a nice blessing:

"May god rule with you."  

Wait, did she really just say that? Maybe she got her scripts mixed up with the nun episode. Anyway, I thought it was very Jedi Knight of her. And may the force be with you too, Jaime